For a lot of people, friendship is a blessing. Being supported and having someone who shares in your joy and sadness is one of the delightful things about life. However, some friendships turn out differently. People come into our lives sometimes to do the opposite.
Recognizing when a friendship begins to negatively impact your mental health, and affect your self-esteem early is highly important. Also, when a friendship starts to drain you emotionally, physically, and financially, setting clear boundaries is the first step to closing the chapter on a parasitic relationship. This article explores the intricacies of a toxic friendship and provides helpful tips on handling toxicity.
Read Also: Finding Love While Dealing With a Heartbreak
How to Recognize a Toxic Friend
When a friendship becomes toxic, it no longer serves you positively. The toxic friend starts to exhibit traits that could affect you in one way or the other. The friendship has become toxic when you notice any of these changes in your friend’s attitude towards you.
1. Constant Criticism
This can come in the form of backhanded compliments and unsolicited comments. Whether you are in the room or not, this one friend never speaks highly of you instead they are going on about how your new dress doesn’t suit you. How you are gaining so much weight and are no longer beautiful. When your friend starts to talk down on your person instead of lifting you, this is a sign of toxicity.
2. Lack of Support
One of the advantages of being in a friendship is support being the bedrock of the relationship. Friends support each other in every form including emotionally and financially. When you start to notice that the support becomes one-sided, that is your cue to withdraw from the friendship.
If you always show up for your friend when they need you whether it was convenient for you or not. Yet, when you need them, all you get is cricket sounds. This could happen a few times and that’s okay. They could have more important engagement but when it becomes a habit, it is never okay.
3. Exerting Manipulation or Control
You could decide to involve your friends in the planning of your event or try to get their opinion on other aspects of your life. However, when the opinion becomes mandatory and you’re not allowed any input, watch closely. You just might be getting controlled by your friend.
This could also play out in the form of manipulation. If it seems like your friend is threatening you to do something especially after you have refused because it does not align with your values. Then you are being manipulated.
4. Unhealthy Competition
There is room for healthy competition between friends especially when playing games. Could be out on the beach playing handball and your friend wins that round or while playing board games where one person has to win. Now that’s healthy competition but if your friend starts to compare their life to yours and undermine your achievements instead of celebrating it.
This would often lead to rivalry and you might find yourself becoming defensive because your friend is constantly trying to gain an advantage over you. If you ever feel this way, your friendship is far from healthy and you need to cut them out.
Helpful Tips For Handling Toxicity in Friendship
1. Personal Reflection
When you notice any of the traits listed above and confirm that your friendship with someone has truly become toxic, the first step to take is to have a moment of self-reflection. Ask yourself several questions, think about how the friendship started and what the bedrock has been. Were you also a good friend? Did you genuinely support your friend? Was there any point where you hurt the other party that must have made them change instead of addressing the situation with you?
After you have honestly answered these questions, one of two things will happen. You either find out if the friendship needs to end or you just need to have a heart-to-heart with your friend and resolve issues affecting your friendship.
2. Setting Clear Boundaries
If the result of your reflection reveals that your friend has truly been toxic, then you need to set boundaries. Sometimes setting boundaries could save the friendship from being utterly erased because the truth is that some friendships do not have to be as close as you make them. Some friends are only for specific seasons and some should only remain an acquaintance.
When setting these boundaries, you also need to communicate them to the toxic friend. An example would be physical boundaries, you let them know they are not allowed to be around you and also state why. Let the toxic friend understand how their actions make you feel, this way they can also learn about their toxicity if they hadn’t been aware.
3. Know When to Leave
Sometimes, it is best to stop being friends with a toxic person. This could mean cutting them out of your life, and losing contact with them intentionally because that is the best way to look out for your well-being. In some situations, setting boundaries alone may not be enough as it could open you up to much more danger. Walking away from a toxic friend can help you heal from the wounds of their actions and also prepare you for more healthier and positive friendships.
4. Consider Therapy
Some experiences scar us mentally and we are well aware that healing requires assistance. A toxic friendship i more than just a potential threat to your mental health, it can also negatively impact your self-esteem. You find that you can no longer confidently tackle aspects of your life because your friend constantly belittles your efforts and achievements.
Getting therapy could help you regain your confidence and boost your self-esteem again. Then you can go back to being the healed version of yourself with more insights on dealing with toxic relationships. Getting professional help can also help you to easily identify patterns when making new friends.