Millions of divorces happen each year, literally, and it’s quite a shame that it has become sort of a norm in society. What is to be blamed for these numerous inexplicable divorces? Does the problem lie in marriage itself or is it something to do with the people who are married and their behaviors?
Maybe marriages are too far off, simple relationships, And I don’t mean only boyfriend-girlfriend relationships, even normal friendship relationships, they start as early as secondary school for teenagers. Most of them don’t last, rather obviously because these teenagers barely know what they want for themselves, much less what they want in a partner. So, these ‘relationships’ are often short-lived, unserious and sometimes toxic.
But still, occasionally, fully grown adults, in all of their perfectly functioning senses, break down in tears, compromise their mental health, and in worst cases, end their lives, because of the relationships they’re in. That’s crazy! What could possibly be that bad? Most times, these people are found to be in toxic, unhealthy relationships. So that you don’t become an example in the next statistics, here’s how you can identify if you’re in an unhealthy relationship yourself, and if you are, to get yourself out promptly.
How To Identify If Your Relationship Is Unhealthy
1. Are your gestures one-sided?
Perhaps you’ve known that friend for years, and as much as your memory can recall, they’ve never given you a gift, celebrated you on your birthday or some other minor gesture. While you continually do such for them regularly. Or perhaps they never render help to you when you ask, meanwhile, you’re the first to respond when they’re in need. If so, you might have found yourself a leech, and if you try to confront them about it and they become all manipulative, then, my friend, run!
2. Are your ideas always brought down?
Now, don’t get me wrong. Sometimes criticism are necessary, and a good thing, whenever you present your plan or idea to someone who is your friend. But, whenever such criticisms are presented in a way to just underwhelm all your efforts instead of making you to do better, then such person might actually just be jealous, or projecting their fears or insecurities upon you or ideas, and trust me, you do not want be friends, dating, or worse, married to someone like that.
3. Are you ever in control?
If your answer to that question was ‘No’ then we have a serious problem. Overbearing and controlling partners are the number 1 convicts of unhealthy relationships. If you ever feel that within your marriage, relationship, or even with a friend you have, you are always being controlled and don’t have a say of your own, I’d advise you flee as soon as possible.
4. Are any of you overdependent?
I know the quote, “I can’t do without you.” might sound rather romantic or sweet, but I assure you, it’s not. When one of two people in a relationship start to become too dependent on the other for practically everything, it spells nothing but harm. It creates and imbalance between the two, especially if the other person is not like that. This can stifle growth and limit independence.
Now, if you’ve resonated with at least one of these points above, it means your relationship might not be all that great, 2 or 3? Then you seriously have work to do, and if you can see all four in your relationship?! Just run, run for your dear life. Okay, I’m kidding. But luckily, there’s always a solution. Here’s how you can leave that toxic environment you call a relationship:
1. Don’t Be Afraid To Ghost If You Can
We’re starting off very hot here, if this relationship be it romantic or platonic is toxic, and you can ghost the person involved in person and online, go for it! Block them, delete their number, cut all ties, you might be unlucky that they already know where you live, but if so there are measures to take for that. But if not, remove absolutely everything about that person that you can.
2. Open Up To Loved Ones
You can discuss with family members, or friends (non toxic ones this time around) about your situation, what you’re facing. You’d be surprised at how much good advice you can get just by opening up to talk about your problems. You can get quality advice that can help you deal with the situation in the best possible way.
3. Focus On Yourself
Have you ever thought, that maybe the reason you’re attracting bad people that aren’t the best for you as friends or partners is because you might have some work to do on yourself too? Learn to prioritize YOU. Go on solo dates, enjoy your favourite movies by yourself, love yourself. When you start to see yourself from a better light, it would be hard for just anyone to come over to you.
4. You Could Get Professional Help
As always, there is always someone, a professional who could help you navigate the complexities of whatever your situation is. Relationship therapists are certainly a good choice to help you cut off all negative, unhealthy relationships that truncate who you really are.
In all, I wish you, a better YOU .